10:04 p.m. - 2002-12-09
Kiss my Fist!
Love is just a game
sometimes we win
and sometimes we lose
but somehow we all prevail
Love...I'm starting to loathe the word,the feeling,the inspiration! It's been more than a month since I last talk to Chris and it's driving me up the walls. It's true that distance makes the heart go fonder! Our distance is way to far apart! With me in Jacksonville,Florida and Chris somewhere in Japan. My thoughts on me being strong just proves...I'm weak. I give my heart away to easily. I'm a sucka for romance. My feelings for Chris are finally known after for the past 4 years on and off trying to keep it on the down low. But I guess I can't take it. I want to get to the point that I could be in love again! I want to be held,kiss,my hand held and cuddle. It's not that I'm totally setting my heart on his shoulder or being way too dependant. I just want to share some happiness.
I've been contemplating, and I'm making the decsion that maybe I should break it off. It's sad to see that I'm dragging myself down lovers lane cause I can't be with him. Honestly, I wanna be with him, but how can we work things out if he's too far and I hardly ever talk to him. Last time I talked to him was Oct.30.
Also, James still seems to drive me insane. This confession I'm going to make is going to kill everyone! I told James tonight,after crying to him for hours, that I still love him even though I have a boyfriend. Either way...my heavy heart is broken.
I know I have plenty good memories with the both of them, but those memories of utter happiness turns to an aching pain.
"After loving you, I've watched my heart turn to ashes."
A lovey dovey,sappy hopeless romantic...*sighs* that's me.
