11:34 p.m. - 2002-11-04
The new me...in mid year 2003
Sheryl Crow-Favorite Mistake
So much commotion is paddling through my mind right now.
Where to start...
First off, my mom's really sick. It's been worrying me all week. She's been in and out of the hospital. I'm so afraid. It's a fear of mine. I'm so afraid to lose my parents. We've been through lots of shit and they kicked me out the house to Cali once, but forgive and forget. I love them regaurdless. All I can do is pray for her. She's been doing nothing, but sleep. She seems motionless.
Second...I feel like I put on a pair of old raggidy shoes. In some way I'm back where I was...lonely. I know I should be grateful having a boyfriend, but he's all the way on the otherside of the world. I miss him already and here I am still anticipating on an e-mail. But I can't help to feel that I'm lonely. My arms are empty.
Third...School. SCHOOL...blah. I need to go more and stop skipping. Caity would definately agree. I bet she's reading this...nodding her head. Maybe everyone else who knows me are too.
My priorities need to be set straight. My attitude wiser and my personality more inspiring. Totally slacked off in the past few months. Damn.
Surprise Surprise to say this. I'm ready to strip my phase off. I've come to realization that I'm tired of the way I dress. Meaning...the long shirts and baggy pants will be gone once I graduate. Don't get me wrong, I'm comfortable with the way I dress. It's just I've grown out of it. I've dress the way I dress since I was 11. Wearing Jncos and band shirts. I'm 17 now. I'm ready for a change I guess that's what I'm saying. Of course I'll still wear baggy jeans here and there, but I think I should tone it down and dress a bit more "decent". I'm graduating and I'm ready to start over. Just because I might be dressing differently, doesn't mean my music will change. I LOVE my music! And I'll die without it! I feel like I've lost myself trying to be what I was. People change for the better. But if it's for the worse, they haven't realize what who they become. As for myself, I've notice I'm changing. So I guess it's for the better. I never care too much about stereotypes and just because I'm into rock and I don't dress like people who are into it, doesn't matter. People are so oftenly label by the music they're into and how they dress. Well...I'm "rebeling" against the rules and if you have a problem about who I am. Well you can fuck off and be your own damn person. I just don't care anymore.
I've been thinking about after high school too much. It's exciting and nerve wrecking all at once. My plans are to go to FCCJ(Florida's community campus Jacksonvile...I think.) Then After two or three years, go to Orlando and live with my friend Kathy and maybe Jen M.
'Cept another problemo is I have no idea what I wanna pursue a career in. I plan on taking this career test crap, if I ever remember going to guidance. From that, maybe something will spark an interest. As for my rambling I'm gonna go. Listen to some Sheryl Crow to mellow out. P.S. NEW LAYOUT COMING SOON!
